BULLETPROOFsoul’s Neighborhood

The Proust Questionnaire

Tiffany introduced it to me, via Jason via Anna. (And Sam begat William and William begat..)

I like these types of exercises, especially when I'm foggy and panicked generally unclear (as this Monday morning finds me).  The Proust questionnaire is named for the French writer Marcel Proust, serving as the inspiration for more introspective interviews, an exercise in self exploration and a peak into the true motivations of the people providing the answers.

1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Emotional health and physical health, the ability to cover my expenses without any great anxiety, knowing without hesitation that I am loved, supported and valued by the people I love, support and value...and the freedom to create things with my own two hands.   

2. What is your greatest fear?
That the things currently causing me grief, will never pass. That this, right now, is all there is to life.   

3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
My fear of inadequacy.  

4. What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Cowardice.

5. Which living person do you most admire?
My aunt Elizabeth. She finds the growth in every challenge. She does amazing things but remains incredibly humble. She can hug you and reduce you to tears just from the love coming from her pores. She sees the best in you and never lets you deny that it is there. She finds joy and beauty in the things many take for granted. She's faced incredible adversity with the courage of a lion and never reduces herself to bitterness. She loves hard, thinks unselfishly, fights for what she believes in and...she's just a wonder.

6. What is your greatest extravagance?
Art supplies.

7. What is your current state of mind?
Afraid. Confused. Scattered. Isolated.   

8. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
Chastity. But only because of the other recognized virtues, it is the one least inclined to impede your ability to be a healthy, happy, productive individual. I know lots of people that ain't "chaste" but live life with fulfillment and purpose.
   
9. On what occasion do you lie?
When I'm afraid that the truth is going to really hurt someone with no positive consequence, self included.
   
10. What do you most dislike about your appearance?
My stomach.
   
11. Which living person do you most despise?
Well, there are a lot of people I don't like. The world is chock full of regrettable people. Though I find it more often to be a curse more than a blessing, I can sympathy or empathy for most. The living person I most despise right now might be Rush Limbaugh. He's dangerous and stirs unscrupulous passions for his own amusement. That sort of small minded deviance works on my ability to think kind thoughts.  

12. What is the quality you most like in a man?
Integrity. Not just one's ability to speak truthfully, but to do so at the cost of your own comfort and ease. Someone that is willing to be seen for who they are. To stand in their truth and not the shadow of what they want others to believe they are.  

13. What is the quality you most like in a woman?
Grace. The ability to consider feelings and actions with wisdom and well being and to act gracefully even when it might be difficult to do so.   

14. Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
I can't.
   
15. What or who is the greatest love of your life?
My dog. I can always count on her to love me, tend to my wounded feelings and remind me that there's a being out here that will always give as much as or more than she takes. My childhood best friend, Jameel. Over thirty years and going strong. He's been the only one to always be there, to protect me on those occasions I couldn't protect myself and to keep all of my truest thoughts, fears and feelings safe and secure. He's probably the only person I've known that closely or long who has never snatched the rug out from under me.  

16. When and where were you happiest?
The day I graduated from college and saw absolute blissful joy and delight on my father's face, knowing I had everything to do with it. A time long ago when I thought I was in love with someone just as in love with me. While everything else is in that story is but a work of fiction, that feeling I had was truer than most anything I've ever experienced. And I try to remain grateful for it.

17. Which talent would you most like to have?
The ability to read minds.
   
18. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
My tendency toward self-preoccupation.   

19. What do you consider your greatest achievement?
I think that's yet to be discovered.

20. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?
An eagle. (feathers, not helmets)   

21. Where would you most like to live?
Sometimes I think New Mexico. Loads of pottery there, lots of ceramic inspiration, still away from the hustle and bustle of life in a city. Places I would spend a year or two? London. Toronto. New Zealand. Portugal.

22. What is your most treasured possession?
My laptop. 

23. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
A life with no other passion but material gain or personal recognition. 

24. What is your favorite occupation?
Potter. Followed by writer.

25. What is your most marked characteristic?
I honestly don't know. I don't trust that I've ever had a clear lens for how others see/observe me.

26. What do you most value in your friends?
Their sincerity.

27. Who are your favorite writers?
Neil Gaiman, Octavia Butler, Pearl Cleage, Paulo Coehlo, C.S. Lewis, Anchee Min, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Maya Angelou

28. Who is your hero of fiction?
Ellen Ripley from the Alien series.

29. Which historical figure do you most identify with?
I don't think I know enough about the inner workings of any historical figure to say who that person would be.

30. Who are your heroes in real life?
The people who are driven each and every day to the commitment of human services, community service and charitable efforts.

And before I begin let me qualify my thoughts as I am a Cancerian and emotionally-driven person who cries when she's happy, cries when she's said and many times feels first and thinks second.

Don't make sensitivity a weapon.

I'm all for explaining to people that you may potentially be thin-skinned and making requests to consider your heart before entering into a potentially combustible dialogue. At all times we should take into consideration how our thoughts and expressions of them may make others feel. A defensive maneuver will almost always beget a defensive maneuver. It's the fundamental rule to conflict. You hit me, it hurts. I hit back, you hurt and the dance escalates until two people are saying or doing regrettable things. Rather than using your sensitivity as a license to kill, use it as a means to find more productive ways to speak with love. Rather than letting your sensitivity give you an unrealistic sense of entitlement and petulant expectation, try and commit to the notion that it always takes two parties to create a disagreeable relationship conflict. You are hurt...in some ways big or small, they are likely hurting, too.

Don't make sensitivity a wall to constructive criticism.

There comes a time in every adult's life when you have to suck it up and face tough talk. Especially when the tough talk potentially saves you from a choice, an action or measure that could have long-term or especially painful consequences. While I am sensitive, I expect and almost demand that the people I love, give it to me straight, particularly when I screw something up. Because I am human. I am going to do that. And yes, you can give straight talk without pulling out the clubs and knives. So keep in mind that sometimes when people speak sternly to you, it is more important to identify the value in their statement...especially when you know behind the annoyance that statement is coming from a place of love. It's nice to hear only about the wonderful things we do; but it's better to hear about the ways we can grow and elevate to keep amazing ourselves and others. Never use your 'sensitivity' as a means to avoid owning your stuff.

And you know how I feel about owning your stuff. 

Hey there friends. Yes, it's that time of year again. The time when I post photos of my clay babies and announce I'm selling them on the innurnets.

I try to limit how often I do these updates here, especially since I have a pottery blog that I use neglect for those purposes. But I did want to share my progress with you because I figured you'd like to see them I could use the supplemental income.

I've graduated to lids, casserole dishes and bigger bowls and plates. We're moving on up.

To ooh and ahh, see below. To shop, you can find me here.

When we quit thinking primarily about ourselves and our own self-preservation, we undergo a truly heroic transformation of consciousness. - Joseph Campbell

This summer, I accepted a co-executive director position with a arts-based non-profit. Before you go throwing confetti in my face, let me first clarify some things.

I still have my previous position with my current employer.
This position feeds my soul and not my wallet.

Now, proceed with the confetti. *dons protective garb*

Today, I visited an African American museum and cultural center here in Austin, TX to speak with their director about bringing our two missions together. It went swimmingly. As soon as I have more details firmed you'll be hearing a lot more about this next project but for now I just have to tell you...

The minute I left my meeting today, I remembered everything I have loved about community engagement. I was energized, alive, empowered and nearly intoxicated off of the joy of knowing we might just play a positive part in the development and artistic awareness of under-served children. It reminded me as I raced home on a brilliantly crisp fall morning in Austin, there is no greater satisfaction than the service we can offer to others. No matter how big or small.

It also reminded me just how much joy is a state of mind. A perspective. A lens. It cannot be found in wealth or things. But it can be found in giving of yourself for reasons that don't have a thing to do...with you.

• As lovely and empowering as thoughts are...thinking less from time to time lets something else...something spiritually powerful, in.

• There is incredible strength to found in vulnerability, but to experience it - you have to have the courage to accept your own weakness.

• People who truly love you will want to support you - but it's still up to you to tell them what you need. We truly do get by with a little help from our friends.
  

• The biggest truths are usually stated in ten words or less.

• No one can wrestle that truth from you - except of course...you.

 
This year has been hard. So hard in ways I don't always put in this space. Not just for me but for many around me...which makes it even more arduous. Despite this, I'm beginning to understand how much beauty there is in struggle. Not during the moments of anxiety but during those breaks in the action when you connect, when you love and you remember that you are loved in return. The tenderness you sometimes take for granted becomes the armor you use to fight another day.

Last week, the only place I could find some peace was under the spray of water in my shower stall. I stood there, longer than I normally would, letting hot water mingle with frustrated tears. Perhaps it was because my bathroom felt especially snug and warm; its enclosed space reminding me of a safety I haven't felt in what is now nearly three years. Maybe it was the healing power of water and the sound of it's falling giving me temporary privacy. Perhaps it was because my physical nudity made every part of me feel stripped. Whatever it was, in that moment I could admit in that shower that I was beaten. Physically, mentally and emotionally. Afraid. Faithless. Struggling to make a path to connect with a source of clarity that I usually keep tabs on. I spoke the words aloud..."I need help because I am so lost."

By the time I got out of the shower I was shriveled and shivery...but emptied of the contents making my belly a never-ending stew. As I crawled into bed and said prayers to whatever spiritual power you wish to call it, I made it clear that I understood that none of this stuff was going to magically be resolved by the might of my own hand or the might of my intellect or even my wayward ego. I was going to require some signs and assistance. Some spiritual intervention. And I had every intention on shutting up with my antics until it was revealed to me.

Revelations don't come with a trumpet blare or call for attention. They slip in quietly and wait to be acknowledged. Thankfully, they're willing to hang around until you extract your head from your tail so that you may see them.

Tonight, I rest well with clarity. I know I am loved. I know I have been loved.  know that I am safe, even when flying blind. And I can find the beauty in all things big and small. Life can be good.

...Even when it's choking the crap out of you.

" Teach me your decrees, O Lord;
I will keep them to the end.
Give me understanding and I will obey your instructions;
I will put them into practice with all my heart.
Make me walk along the path of your commands,
for that is where my happiness is found.
Give me an eagerness for your laws
rather than a love for money!
Turn my eyes from worthless things,
and give me life through your word.
Reassure me of your promise,
made to those who fear you.
Help me abandon my shameful ways;
for your regulations are good.
I long to obey your commandments!
Renew my life with your goodness."

~Psalm 119:33-40

I have to keep telling myself, "God, Thank You." In spite about how I feel about my current job and how every day I am learning truly learning more and more when it comes to dealing with customers how we as consumers...we as people in this world are truly a bunch of spoiled, inconsiderate brats. I'm learning that we feel like we are owed "every thing" and not responsible for our actions. We live in a time where company rules and policies do not apply to us. I have never worked at a job where I truly look forward to my days off and each day it makes me long for a job where I do not want to hear or deal with customers. But through it all I have to say, "God, Thank You."

I'm learning to thank Him because it is showing me what's in my heart that needs to be worked out. I have never used foul language under my breath until working there so I need to stop fighting it and ask my Lord and Savior for temperament, patience. I used to have it but when you begin to drift from His Word, His Ways slowly but surely you begin to those "Fruits of the Spirit".

I'm learning that now whenever I receive wonderful service over the phone that instead of saying just, "Thank You" I should ask for the individual supervisor or manager and acknowledge them, I should begin writing letters of gratitude for the excellence service. I'm learning that even though it's an individual "job" to help me that it's not my job not to put them through the ringer when I am (the customer) is having a bad day. It is teaching me as a consumer that when I am not happy with a company that it's not the customer server agents fault of the rules and policies and not to become nasty with them.

I'm learning that as a customer to be have as much information as possible when needing assistance. It breaks my heart that when customer calling in for help how many of them make it so hard to help them. They do not have paper or pen handle...they do not do research for themselves to get prepared. It's so sad, we have information at our finger tips through the world wide web and yet are some of the laziest people around and I have to include myself in the bunch but after taking call after call of people thinking they do not need to do their part (something simple as getting a zip code of the hotel where they will be staying) goes a long way in helping a customer's research.

Now I know the first thing people are going to say is, "if we had all of those things why do you need you in customer service? I mean, we pay your salary!" Funny, I have said that before myself and here is what I have learned in the process...

We need "live" people to correspond with when it comes to business transactions because that makes us (the customer) feel like we are not just a "quota" to meet a percentage each month. Now as a customer it may be my right to be a jerk to someone who is helping me or jump down a Customer Service Representative throat when they make a mistake but should I be surprise when I get mediocre service? I'm learning it's about "Doing Right" and not "Being Right". I'm learning that it's not all about me, it's about what that customer service agent is going through day in and day out when dealing with different personalities, different attitudes day in and day out.

This does not excuse bad customer service because there are some people that should not be in that field of work because that may not fit them and some do not have people skills and maybe they should choose another line or work. We can could go back in forth in regards to the "Customer" and "Customer Service" relationship but what I'm learning is that you have to have empathy for customer service workers. You think I would have learned this lesson from working 6 years as a Houseman in the hotel business...but I guess I forgot the core lesson and God had to remind again. Ouch

I may not like what God allows me to go through but in the end I'm learning that when I put it in His hands he shows me what I need to learn and how to become a person from the situation I'm going through at the moment.

Be Blessed, Be Safe
& Have a Wonderful Weekend and Work Week.

~DarrenKeith

{to listen: click here | to download: right click}
[to subscribe copy and paste this rss feed into iTunes]

Track Title - Artist(s) - Album Title
01. He Reigns - Kirk Franklin{from the "The Rebirth of Kirk Franklin" LP}
02. Letter From Home - Chi{from the "Sun Lake" LP}
03. Never Again - Kingz Jewel Feat. King Bull{from the *"First Step" LP}
04. There's a Monk In My Garden! - Oystein Sevag{from the "Sanctuary: 20 Years of Windham Hill" LP}
05. Love Liberty Disco - Newsboys{from the "WOW 2000" LP}
06. Morning Ride - Ken Navarro{from the "The Best New Age, Vol. 6" LP}
07. More Than Conquerors - Praiz{from the "The Take Over" LP}
08. Where Lovers Walk - Jonn Serrie{from the "The Best New Age, Vol 6" LP}
09. Speak to My Heart - Donnie McClurkin{from the "WOW Gospel 1998" LP}
10. Daydreams - Schonerz & Scott{from the "Sancturary: 20 Years of Windham Hill" LP}
11. He Reigns - Newsboys{from the "WOW Hits 2004" LP}
12. Wide Asleep - Michael Manring{from the "Drastic Measures" & "Sancturary: 20 Years of Windham Hill" LP}
13. Spoken For - MercyMe{from the "WOW Hits 2004" LP}
14. Zuni Rain - Michael Gettel{from the "Narada Smooth Jazz" LP}
15. Don't Cry - Kirk Franklin{from the "The Rebirth of Kirk Franklin" LP}

photo: Luis Lauranzon
outro underscore music: Nicolay

*CORRECTION - In the podcast I said Kingz Jewel album was named "The Contact" but it's actually "First Step"...my apologies

I don't know why but this tune by Apes on Tapes has been in my head for the longest. I first heard this cut back in 2008 on Macedonia's "Both Sides of the Surface" show. (ironic is that that episode was named, "Goodbye Summer, Have a Great Fall." since is how I love Autumn) I showcased this track last year but with all good things they have to come back around. Some of these tracks you may have heard them in previous podcasts but it's good to sometime to reach back and and refreshing course of great music. To my new listeners...welcome; to my regular listeners...thanx and thanx again for coming back time and time and showing love for what I do.

Another artist I heard last year that I had to showcase their music is The Shanghai Restoration Project. I love their music and rather if it's laid back or makes you want to get up and dance (and I rarely do that...not that I don't want to dance) it's refreshing and easy on the ears.

The cool thing about this selection is not only that most of the tracks are free downloads but the fact that these musicians get when it comes to getting their music to the masses. Sometimes in order to get huge returns you must be able to give a little away. I will never forget the 60 minute segment on The Grateful Dead. These guys are millionaires and what they did when it came to their music is the "sowing and reaping" effect. At their live concerts they gave the okay for their fans to record their concerts. To many groups would frown on this but this worked in their favor in two ways...

1) It was a concert so the people had already paid their money for seeing them in concert and plus it would give the people to have a piece of history so to speak to share with their friends, family.

2) Even though they were giving the green light to record their music(bootleg) many people still would end up going to the store and buying the studio recording of the Grateful Dead music.

I'm not saying you should never pay for great music because is that were the case i would never put links to these gifted artists sites because we now live in a day and age where it's okay to get crappy customer service and people feel it's okay to steal music and that is far what I advocate. I take the time to put information links in my show notes because I have the utmost respect for musicians...especially today because to be honest without the web, I think I would live off my own collection of music but not too much great music is played on the radio any more.

This collection of music on this episode is from artists that are creative, innovative, and gives you a sense of "yes...great music still lives."

As always, kick back, relax and take you some "me" for the next hour.

Be Blessed.

~DarrenKeith

{to listen: click here | to download: right click}
[to subscribe: copy and paste this rss feed into iTunes]

{Track Title/Artist(s)/Album Name}
01. Grand 5 - Apes on Tapes{from the "You Open" LP}
02. Babylon of the Orient - The Shanghai Restoration Project & Amos Winbush{from the "The Shanghai Restoration Project" LP}
03. in the morning - CHRISS ONAC{from the "UN PANTIN !!!?" LP}
04. Everybody's Wonderful - David Binney/Alan Feber{from the "In The Paint" LP}
05. Apolo X - Vate{from the "Volk" LP}
06. Soup - Euforquestra{from the "Soup" LP}
07. Miss Shanghai - The Shanghai Restroration Project & Dez{from the "The Shanghai Restoration Project" LP}
08. The Winter - Balmorhea{from the "Rivers Arms" LP}
09. B.A. - The Jive Turkeys{from the "B.A. " Single}
10. Apres le beau temps... La pluie - Antonie Dufour, Tommy Gauthier{from the "Still Strings" LP}
11. Hometown - Sam Yahel{from the "Hometown" LP}
12. Tears of Grace - Andrew White{from the "Walk In Light" LP}
13. Miss Shanghai Revealed (Bonus Track) - The Shanghai Restroration Project & Di Johnston{from the "Reinterpretations"(Bonus Version) LP}
14. Somewhere (Eric Kupper Reprise) - John Shannon{from the "Somewhere" (remixes)}

intro underscore music by Todd Kelley
outro underscore music by Nicolay
photo: Chris Gin

2 great blues podcasts to check out by Todd Grundy

• RIBS TPTD: October is "Blues Month", part 1
• RIBS TPTD: "Blues Month", part 2 – Blues Women

• BSOTS 073 - goodbye summer, have a great fall

The Shanghai Restoration Project & Amos Winbush
"Babylon of the Orient" (mp3)
from "The Shanghai Restoration Project"
(Undercover Culture Music)
Buy at Amazon.com
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Euforquestra
"Soup" (mp3)
from "Soup"
(reapandsow, Inc.)
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The Shanghai Restoration Project & Dez
"Miss Shanghai" (mp3)
from "The Shanghai Restoration Project"
(Undercover Culture Music)
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Buy at iTunes Music Store
Buy at eMusic
Buy at Rhapsody
Buy at Napster
Stream from Rhapsody
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Buy at appliedSB (Groupietunes)
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More On This Album

Balmorhea
"The Winter" (mp3)
from "Rivers Arms"
(Western Vinyl)
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Buy at eMusic
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Buy at Napster
Stream from Rhapsody
Buy at Puretracks
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Buy at appliedSB (Groupietunes)
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The Jive Turkeys
"B.A." (mp3)
from "B.A. - Single"
(Colemine Records)
Buy at Fat Beats
Buy at Dusty Groove
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Antoine Dufour, Tommy Gauthier
"Après le beau temps... La pluie" (mp3)
from "Still Strings"
(Candy Rat Records)
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Andrew White
"Tears Of Grace" (mp3)
from "Walk in Light"
(Candy Rat Records)
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Buy at Napster
Stream from Rhapsody
More On This Album

The Shanghai Restoration Project & Di Johnston
"Miss Shanghai Revealed" (mp3)
from "Reinterpretations (Bonus Version)"
(Undercover Culture Music)
Buy at iTunes Music Store
More On This Album

John Shannon
"Somewhere" (mp3)
from "Somewhere (remixes)"
(ObliqSound)
Buy at iTunes Music Store
Buy at Rhapsody
Stream from Rhapsody
More On This Album